Parenthood is often described as an experience filled with joy and love. However, for some parents, it can also be marked by intense outbursts of anger, often referred to as ‘maternal rage’. This article explores how these outbursts of anger may be related to unresolved childhood trauma and suggests strategies for coping with them.
‘Maternal rage’: a response to trauma
Many parents feel deeply ashamed when they lose their temper with their children. They often wonder why they can’t remain calm and patient. According to an article in Psychology Today, this ‘maternal rage’ could in fact be a response to unresolved childhood trauma. Parents who grew up in environments where emotions were not understood or validated may have learned to repress their anger. However, repressed anger does not go away; it finds a way to manifest itself, often in unexpected and harmful ways.
The challenges of post-traumatic parenting
Parents who have suffered trauma in their childhood often have difficulty regulating their emotions and controlling their impulses. They may not consider themselves to be angry people, but anger is a protective emotion that signals that something is wrong. In a well-regulated nervous system, anger is a signal, not a threat. However, for those who grew up in environments where anger was ignored or punished, it can become a difficult emotion to manage.
Learning to co-regulate
To break the cycles of dysregulation and reactive parenting, it is essential to learn co-regulatory skills. This involves recognising and understanding one’s own emotions, as well as learning to manage them in a healthy way. Co-regulation allows parents to remain calm and respond appropriately to their children’s behaviour, rather than overreacting.
The healing process
Healing begins with awareness and self-compassion. Parents need to recognise that their emotional reactions are often the result of past trauma and not a reflection of their worth as parents. By using the right tools and seeking support, they can learn to manage their emotions in a healthier way and break the cycle of ‘maternal rage’.
Maybe It’s Not ‘Mom Rage.’ Maybe it’s a Trauma Response | Psychology Today